How you doing?

I don't think women appreciate how hard it is not to be 'the creepy guy' at the gym. The biggest problem is that there is a large enough number of creepy guys out there to safely assume that any male who glances at, talks to, or comes within 15ft of anything resembling an attractive woman, is in fact, a creep.

I've become infinitely more comfortable around women since being married. See, pre-marriage I figure there was maybe a 1 in 10,000 chance that a woman would actually want to sleep with me. Now, for the woman out there, you're thinking, "Well, if the chance is so small, couldn't you just forget about it and relax?" But the men are more familiar with this kind of algebra and realize that the 1 in 10,000 chance doesn't come along very often, which means you better not screw it up. Which means pressure. Which means awkwardness. Which means that your 1 in 10,000 chance for sex just walked out the door laughing at you... again. Post-marriage the world is completely different. I'm off the table. I'm locked up in the Disney vault along with 101 Dalmations. Now there's a 0 in 10,000 chance. So, since there isn't even the remotest possibility of sex with someone non-wife, I'm relaxed.

Not at the gym though.

Things are a little different there, especially in the pool. You've got women in necessarily tight and skimpy outfits, and they're wet. It's basically a big creep magnet. Also, people just do odd non-sexual things in the water anyway. Like the guy who decided to play-dead in the warm up pool by floating face down without moving for as long as he could hold his breath. Repeatedly...for around 15 minutes.

Anyway, I show up at the pool and there's only one free lane, right next to the only youngish woman there. Normally you have to go at least one lane away from her. Why? Because the creeps will pick the lane next to her no matter how many others are open. I get in the water as she starts a kick-drill, and sweet zombie jesus she is fast. My kick is pure crap and she's moving faster than I can swim. It would be helpful to watch how she's doing it, but do I? No, because that's what the creeps would do.

I'm just getting back into swimming after a couple months of run/bike focus, so my stamina doesn't exist. I start with 50's (2 lengths), then 75's (3), then mix up 100's, 200's, etc. She's evidently doing the same because she'll sometimes take her rest on the near side and sometimes on the far side. I start my first 75, which will have me finish on the far side of the pool, as she's still in a cycle of resting on the near side. I pull up to the wall for my stop, and guess who's switched and has stopped on the far side now? Yeah. So can I, who have been resting on the near side this entire time stop there, just at the same time she did? Nope, because that's what the creeps would do. I had to finish out the 100.